who am i?!

yeah..okaii..i know i am Mirna Halim..i am an indonesian..i am bla bla bla bla...n so on..

but it's not wad i mean..who am i?wad do i feel inside?y do i feel tis way?certain things in my lyf r juzz so uncertain tat i can't tell which is which..

last weekend i stayd out with olip..we watchd x-man3..we ate ben&jerry (which r supr dupr nice!!) we walkd round n round..we took photos..n etc..n etc..but i realised it wasn't as fun as it used to b..was it bcozz i hav gottn used to it? or was it bcozz both of us wasn't in the mood? or was it me? i keep thinkin tat as i grow up, i change into tis prson who is soo damn borin..the change was soo smooth n continually tat i actually dun feel it..or rathr i keep tryin to make myself believe tat i am okaii..tat it is juzz bcozz my frenzz r not crazy enough comparin to my secondary frenzz so tat can't b who i really am..but is it true? if we are havin gathrin, can the old me still come out? i doubt so..

olip n i were on our way to orcet when we suddnly hav the 'urgency' to play dare or dare, lyk wad usually do back then in MGS..it came out, however, i couln't think of any funny thing for her to do n i couldn't do wad she askd me to do..i was too shy to actually do wad she askd me to do..WTH?!i, who had never faild to da wad pple dared me..i, who lykd to play tis game soooo much back then..where is tat i?!hav i bcome so borin?hav i bcum, irritatinly, a borin young woman?!

i went downstairs to eat dinnr n sumhow jason came n sat wit me..turnd out he was waitin for 2t to hav dinnr togethr..i was kinda sad cozz i had juzz askd her to eat wit me but she didn't want to..as in..she wantd to eat wit him, but not wit me?okaii..wadeva..

do i hate jason bcozz he is annoyin?or is it bcozz i hate myself?is it bcozz i think tat 2t lyks him more than me tat i convince myself tat i hate him when actually i hate myself for not bein good enough, fun enough, to actually havin sumone havin fun bein near me?i dun undrstand myself..

ooh my goodness..

holidays are here!!

funny as it may seem, but it was him who askd me if there is anitin wrong wit me todae..nobody has been askin me tat though i know tat i hav been actin quite weird..he, of all people!!he still told me tat he missd my cheerful face todae..ooh my goodness..y does he hav to b soooo sweet n sensitive?!

i fell for u n u let me fall deepr n deepr inside..

if we were in a prfect world, we would hav been appy togethr..
we would go to the beach where we would stay up all nite without words n stare at sunrise..
we would go to bball court n u would teach me how to shoot..
we would watch movie n discuss bout it aftrwards..
we would hav our food-hunt every now n den..
u would teach me econs n i would teach u maths..

if we were in a prfect world..
we would plan road trip togethr..
i would lean on ur broad shouldr in MRT..
u would hug me tightly when i sobbd..

if we were in a prfect world, i would kiss u on ur forehead n u would kiss me on my nose..

if we were in a prfect world....

there are only too many of those "if only"..it is a dream i won't get..it is an unreasonable hope..a destructive bomb..

aniwae..hols are cumin!!YEY!!i am so appy!!i know there's so much to b done..but now i feel so FREE!!n tml i will c mandaaa!!!mizz yaah dear!!

i juzz receivd an email form my RELC tcher..it has been a long tym since we contactd each other..n wad he wrote me is really supr sweet!!if only i can believe in myself as much as he does..

Hi Mirna,

Certainly great to hear from you after such a long period.
Of course I remember you, that sweet charming petite girl so cheerful and pleasantly disposed. I bet now you must be four times sweeter and charming now that you're almost 19 and, most surely, a grown up young lady. My, my, how time flies.

It's a good choice you made to continue with your A levels. Innova JC is familiar to me. Are you with any of the other classmates who were with you when I was teaching you? Do you keep in touch with any of them?

Today is the last day of the school term. When will you be going back home, and for how long? I was wondering whether you'd like to meet me one evening after your return from Indonesia for a meal and a chat, that is, if you are comfortable with this idea. I am currently teaching at RELC for the next three weeks in the mornings and am relatively quite busy this period.

Hey, cheer up girl, don't be depressed. Life's great and you have your whole future ahead of you. Do take your studies seriously and all will be well.

What's your HP no? Mine is 96648135.It's normally off when I'm in class or at meetings. Do feel free to sms me if you'd like to.

Cheers, Mirna, and have a nice break from College life.

Harold Mathieu

well..sum weird stuff bout me:

1. i love veggie n fruits n seafood

2. i've been able to find the nicst food each fastfood restaurant has:
* filletofish -> McD
* fried chicken ->KFC
* mash potato -> Popeye
* fries -> Long John
* mushroom burger -> BK
* etc..etc..

3. i luv watchin movies but sumtyms i think it's a kind of wastin money n tym..

4. i lyk econs but i h8 it for being soo difficult to study for..

5. i lyk oscar the grouch from sesame street instead of Elmo

6. i dun lyk angel..i lyk wolverine

7. i am scard of heights n darkness, but i am even more scared of having the opportunity to try them , yet can't do it as i am too scard

8. i can't drink soda

9. i am vr kpo

10. my stomach capacity is unbelievably cool! EVEN LARGER THAN MIKE!!

finally...

a lot of finally for todae's blog..

finally i get my intrnet back..
finally i can blog..
finally i watchd da Vinci code..
finally hols r cumin within a week tym..
finally i made it thru adith's guitar concrt alone..
finally i realise fully n foolishly tat my heart still belongs to him..
finally i xperienced goin back home wit him..
finally i could know him a bit bettr..
finally..etc..etc..etc..

i am not in the mood to do anitin rite now..everibodi keeps askin me to study..n i myself do realise to the fullst tat it is indeed my duty to do so..well at leat it is my rsponsible wad?!i still hope i would stay in spore to continue my study in NUS..godspeed..

i am tired..i mizz pple..i am TIRED!!!

i am even too tired to actually write down wad has been in my mind these daes..let's juzz talk crap here shall we?!

i am an S..nope!!not an ass..it is S..
loyal lovin trustworthy bla bla bla..

but for me it is juzz e same as to say "loser" in a nicer bettr way..pple were wonderin y i lookd vr sad tat i was an s..HELLOW?! i dun lyk bein an s..without stand..n so damn borin!!tat tym when i first know i was an S, i told myself,"no wondr it is vr hard for me to get close frenz..i AM borin.." well lucky tat olip has wide knowledge bout tis..she told me a lot stuff bout tis..n how i should love myself rathr than wantin to b sumone else..well true to sum xtend..i've always wantd to b a D..i admire D pple..(no wondr i lyk him) but i also realise i am a total S..i dun lyk to lead..i love bein led..i dun lyk decidin anitin..i am so damn fickleminded in choosin anitin..i am an S!!

ooh my goodness..

i am here juzz for a few minutes, so i won't blog (or nag) too much..

i am afraid it is still not true tat i hav forgotten him completely..

ystrdae was a crucial match between our skul bball team n VJC to decide who is to go to final..n IJC lose..when i heard the news, i was so shockd n i couldn't help but feel vr sad..i dunno whethr my pain is for IJC or it is for him..but i am pretty sure tat it is for him.. for i feel even more down knowin i can't do anitin to help him overcomin his sorrow..i feel soo useless n helples..y hav i neve been able to help those i love soo much?!

OMG..tis is much too depressin..forgt it..

i am scard i dun lyk him animore..i love him..n tat's e scariest part!!i hav tried soo hard forgettin him..even lyin to myself..but still..

i still am vr sad for him..i know he muzz feel rathr depressd..well who wouldn't?!48-53 n they were leadin all e way..who knew it would end tis way?!