b'dae matter..

it's been almost two weeks since i read manda's blog and then startes to wonder what the real mean of birthday. i mean, the whole concept of birthday, for me, has changed, quite in an oblivious manner, throughout my life.

for someone who has had her birthday for twenty times, i think it is quite justifiable for me to actually claim that birthday is just a day, with nothing special but a chance to put a markbench on our achievement in order to make sure that we have become someone better, at least for ourselves, in all our aspects of lives.

but ofcourse, who will deny the enjoyment of being showered with presents?

truth being told, as my age changes, the things that i look forward changes too. i used to wait and wait and wait for the two special days in my life, such as, chinese new year (and yes, it was very special because it was the only day when i felt rich!!), and my birthday. i even tried to calculate the amount of seconds that i had to wait before i could turn one year older!!

as i grew older, and forced to enter adulthood, i realised that my birthdays' memory were not as vivid as my childhood's birthday, whereby my age was so small that 1 candle was enough to be put on my birthday cake. i was soon in a sad relisation that what turned me to this cold person- the one that was not feeling something special even on her birthday, in fact, was nature.

and yes, it is hard to believe. why nature, you may ask. the answer lays on the same concept that people has been pondering and wondering to themselves about the war that has been going on for the past one decade. now, before you start to judge me by saying i have turned crazy, i want you to ask yourselves. as you grow up, do you feel more and more individualistic? do you care less and less towards the ones you love? well, i know i am. and as the technology improves in such a great speed and as each corporations try to be the one to please us, customers, do you realise that we are getting less and less thankful for what we already have?that we want more and more of everything?well, i realise i am.

as we turn to be individualistic and less appreciative fellows, we hurt others without caring about what we have done. we don't make any surprise party anymore. we don't give any more presents, or even a simple message saying 'happy birthday!'. we are thinking too much of ourselves that when what we do doesn't give us benefits, we simply put it on our 'not important list'. it is the same exact reason, i think, of why people start wars, of why there exists such thing called KKK, of why something meant to be good turns ugly(eg.terrorism).

birthdays don't feel wonderful anymore because we don't have so many people to celebrate it, or simply acknowledge it, anymore!!

on our part of the story, however, there is still something to blame on us. we simply need to try to be a little more content with whatever it is that we already have. anyway, by the end of the day, we'll be walking alone on our lives. people come and go, and still we have to make it by ourselves.

on my side of story, i am now trying to be a more non-individualistic kind of person. and for my part to make this world a better one, i have a new resolution : make at least one person happy for one day, especially on her/his birthday!!

i love you manda!!and it is just a part of growing up..no worries!!cheers, dear!!we can only hope that this world and the people in it will turn to be a better one one day..

religion: good or bad?

my landlady asked me to come out a while from my lovely space, and so i did..i was thinking that she wanted to chat with me about daily stuff since we hadn't seen each other for quite sometime..who knew it would turn to be a religion talk?

i have made it clear that i have no hard feeling to any religions, unless the religion is not meant for the wellbeing of people..but when it comes to be a believer, do you have to criticise others that do things differently from you?

she was a hindi, because her mother was too..but when her husband brought her to church for his baptism day, she was hypnotised!!she wouldn't speak stuff other than religion, and she kept asking me whether it was alright for her to change her religion..what could i say?i mean, i knew she wanted to do it so badly, not because of my incredibly good sixth sense, but because she gave mo thousands of reasons, i could puke if i heard one more..and anyway, seeing her life, i could see why she wanted the "new GOD" so badly..she was soo alone, her kid was(and still is) irritating, her husband treat her like a maid..good enough reason to want to embrace a new religion right?and so i said,"yes auntie, you can..you have a choice..and religion exists to help people, if it doesn't do that to you, it won't do you any good anyway."

and so she cahnged religion, but i am still wondering if deep down in her heart, she still fell the guilt of so-called betraying her own "GOD"?and i can't help but wonder, if she will be happy with her new religion when the reason behind it is not believing, when it is based on fear: fear of being alone, fear of not being loved, and fear of boredom, instead of trust?

i am personally fine with it..in fact, i am happy for her now that she has friends who care for her..but whe she talked to me just now, criticising about what others do, i couldn't help but asked myself,"She has only became a Christian for a week, and already she could criticise others so badly..what will happen in a few years time?"

it wasn't as if she was criticising about other religion, she was criticising those Christians who perform about Jesus's crucifix..she told me it was not suppose to be done, and that by doing that, they perform sinister scene..i was amazed by the hard feeling she got on that performance..when i wanted to explain that they do that because they want people to remember the path that Jesus took to save the human beings, the sacrifices that He made, that they want people to be touched by Jesus's love, she went beserk..she told me that they were not suppose to do so, that Jesus wouldn't want them to do so, that it was all in the past, and they should all forget about it..

i wonder now, if she was to say that in front of the priest, will the priest try to correct her?

well, none of my business, so i went back to the room, without wanting to make my life or her life more difficult..but she kept asking me to stay ther 5 minutes more, the time which i suspect she wanted to convert my way of thinking into hers because she kept asking me whether i have the same opinion as her..

what can i say? sometimes religion brings the good sideof you, like what happened to mu uncle when he turned to be a catholic..sometimes it's the other way round..

so what do you think?do you think religion is overpriced?

the exam is over!!

yeah..n i screwed it damn badly..

screw it!!i don't even bother anymore..

heii..i am a geek!!everything woll turn oiut fine for a geek right?!test-wise i mean..

anyway, mitch and i watched this movie, titled "Lust Caution", and it was a great movie!!i love it to pieces, though it's not the kind of movie that i will watch again as the story is very sad..it is very sad until i can't sleep at times..

love, lust, sacrifices, choices, and betrayal..

are we humane as we always think we are?or are we just animals, with better brain and with choices to choose?

i sometimes think we are, as human being, worse than animal..how to say the otherwise when it is pretty clear that we hurt more than animals, that betrayal is more often happening in our world than in their world, that we don't even care to what is happening around us..plus the fact that our animal instict always win, be it lust, or simply 'sacrifice' those people we are supposed to say thanks to, be it in work, or simply in friendship..

so, the end of the question is: what makes you think that we, human being, are superior to the animals around us?

i have experinced quite a few of others' beast, and i do know that i have one too..that's exactly why i am trying my best not to fall to the trap..that is exactly why, i am trying to improve, or simply gain the humane side of me..

i hope one day our society can be as humane as we think it is..as an old saying says, what we see on the outside, may not resemble what is inside..

look closely, and you'll see what i mean..

i am going to buy a new phone!!

pardon me..but i am so damn excited for my new phone..it's been very long since the last time i bought a new phone..around 2 years ago i think..haha..happy happy!!

i finally can take a lot of pics every single day!!not to mention that it is 3.2 megapixel!!OMG!!

and i can store a lot n a lot n a lot of songs too!!

now everytime i go to school, i can enjoy all the nice songs that i haven't heard for so long ald!!

i can't wait!!!