my wastd love..

i luv u..i luv u..i luv u..
but u dun even notice me..

luvin sumone doesn't mean tat u hav to own them..doesn't mean tat u can get it in return..doesn't mean tat both of u can share stories or roads of lyf toghethr..it simply means tat u luv him for who he is..his flaws..his mistakes..his past..

i dun undrstand how i can feel tis way..well not as much and deep as wad real luv is i suppose..but tis really is e first tym i lyk a guy deepr than juzz physical attraction..he is not wad i call "good-lookin"..far from it as a mattr of fact..but dunno since when tis feelin grows..

at first he was juzz anothr guy fren i had..my classmate..vr quiet n scary..everytym i saw him, all i wantd to do was juzz runnin far far away from him..

but as days passd by, moths passd by, i realisd tat he was differnt from any othr guy fren i had..he was..sumhow..vr special..

he was everitin i wantd to be..heck care of wad pple think..ingenious..good in sports..wise..maturd..EVERITIN i wantd to b..too bad i couldn't b lyk tat..when i realisd tis, he seemd vr vr special for me..

i startd to lyk him..more importantly, i startd to admire him..i lookd up to him..i set him as my example..e one tat i thought could mould me into a bettr prson who myself would luv more..

tym passd by vr quickly..n bfor i realisd it..i've falln for him..everitym i saw him, my tounge seemd to b tied up..i didn't dare to say anitin..i was too scard tat he would hate me (STUPID me!!)or find me borin..i was soo nervous when he was ard..

juzz lyk tat..it juzz happnd..

nobody invitd luv n it suddnly juzz knockd ur heart..

i would fly when he talkd to me..i would feel lyk cryin when he ignord me..i hopd to c him everitym i went out wit my frenzz..i peekd on him when he didn't c me..i couldn't stop smilin when he jokd ard wit me..or when he realisd my new hairstyle..or even when he playfully said i lookd pretty..when i didn't feel lyk goin skul, he would b my 2nd reason to go (aftr mr chu ofcourse..)

den e dae came when i came to realisation tat..he can not possibly luv me..he luv tis gurl already..pain..really hurts soo much..but it is bettr now than aftr my A's rite? at least i havn't luvd him tat vr much..i can still, at least try, to stop tis feelin..

many askd,"y? y giv up?"

answr vr obvious n simple..he will neve luv me..well..not as much as i do for him..i dun want to hav tat kind of relationship where i am e one who luv him too much..not fair for me..

n so here i am wit my wastd luv, tryin to get out of tis well of pain..but e more i try to forgt him, e more he shines wit all his prsonalities..blind my eyes..

if i can't c e sky to where i muzz reach, how can i climb out of e weel?

maybe i can find anothr one..maybe i can't..but eithr way..thanx for everitin..thanx for makin my dae for e past 1 yr..thanx for ur encouragement n support..esp during PW..thanx for ur kind smile..thanx for makin me who i am todae..

thank you..

n BUBBYE my first one..

LOVE is all around!!

"there isn't juzz one person for each of us.."
"but it was..for Kate n Leo..there was for u..there is for me..she's THE one"

isn't it juzz wondrful when sumone knows wad he wants in his lyf already?he is juzz a kid..yet he knows who he loves already..pple may think tat his one is puppy luv..n maybe it is..but the most amazing part of all is tat he belive in himself..n he really works for tat one particular thing..for the gurl he really loves..n he even went inside the airport juzz to confess to her..how sweet can tat b?!it is a brave thing for evevn a big guy..for a small kid?i think it is simply amazing!!

well..maybe i'm juzz luv tis movie way too much liao..but..HEII!!it was wondrful k.. ^-^ LOVE ACTUALLY is e bst movie for luv story!!i really really think tat it is vr vr vr good!!it isn't tat at all story ends vr well..there are tyms when i really don't lyk e ending..but my fren told me it is wad makes e movie not cliche..bcozz in real lyf, there are tyms where we are dissapointd by those who we love..n it happns quite oftn..but still..i sumhow wants everyone to hav a great endin..

it is juzz simply vr sad when 2 pple who love each other cannot b togethr bcozz of sumtin important for them..lyk karl n tat secretary..i fell vr sad for them lhe..summore karl is vr vr vr xtremely CUTE!!!well..bias..ha..ha.but he IS cute!!

e most beautiful, yet sad story is about tis guy whho fell for his bst fren's gf..it is vr vr touchin!!esp when e guy came to e gurl's door step n brought wit him radio n cardboard confessin how much he loved her...

"say it's carol singers..
with any luck, by next year
i'll be going out with one of these girls..
but for now let me say,
wihtoiut hope or agenda,
just because it's chrismas-
(and at christmas you tell the truth)
to me, you ARE perfect..
and my wasted heart will love you
until you look like this..
MERRY CHRISTMAS!"

isn't it vr sweet? i dunno y but i find it vr touchin..it's lyk choosin which one is ur bettr priority..ur love..or ur bst fren?n he chose his bst fren..pple may say tat he is a coward..but i find him vr brave..he is able to fight his own fear of not findin his true love for e sake of his bst fren..it's vr vr hard to do, u know..easy to say..yes it is..but vr hard to do..

isn't it everybody's dream to b loved tat much? wel..not in tat way i supppose cozz it hurts e one who love u soo much..but..it is wondrful when e tym has cum to e point where there is sumone who luv u for who u r..no mattr how annoyin u r..no mattr how ugly u r..no mattr whethr or not u r cute n sweet..

mine has ended tat dae he told me bout e gurl..but we muzz get up n enjoy wad we hav rite?!aftr all.. LYF GOES ON!! ^-^

i dun undrstand..

okaii..i can undrstand pple lyk to stereotypin..as in..i think it's humane..well..not good though..but it's humane..

but racist?!

OMG!!!

who do they think they are?we all live in one world..we share forests, lands, seas..EVERITIN!!we eat e same stuff..we have noses, eyes, brains,etc..we are all human beings!!wad e hell is wrong wit them?!

well..maybe we are different in some ways..we hav our own culture..we use diff language..but heii!!we are all called human remember?!not dogs, not rats, not animals!!!

wad e hell?

well..ok..it's a bit too much.. >.<>

i myself sumtyms hav prejudice towards pple i dun yet know..but i'm workin on it..i dun want to stay where i am when i know wad i do is wrong..so i can't c y they can't tell themselvs to change? it is juzz soo cruel to be racist..i am vr vr disappointd now..when i startd to think tat everyone is nice (xcept steph ann), i am forcd to see e othrwise..

n i really dun undrstand y pple care sooo much bout gay marriages? pple hav their own preferncs wad?if u dun lyk orange n sumone force u to eat it, will u b appy?u won't rite?summore it for ur whole lyf!!i can't imagine livin with sumone i dun luv but i hav to pretnd tat i luv him..soo sad!!i think it is bettr if pple dun lyk but they dun really care bout tis kind of marriges..aftr all, wad inside pple's head we can't find out rite?it is e attitude tat hurts..

pple hav their own rights ok..whethr they're white, black, brown, or yellow..whethr they're gays or lesbian or straight..we r all human!!!!

well..i do hope tat pple can change their attitide n ways of thinkin towards tis kind of stuff..

*sigh*

it slappd me n woke me up..

i juzz realise sumtin tat i should hav realisd lon long tym ago..maybe i was juzz too scard to admit tat i want it..scard tat i wouldn't get it in e end n pple laughd at me behind my back..(which is wad i calld eem..thinkin too much?wel..yeah..i think tat's e word..)or maybe i was juzz too stubborn to c e inside of me cozz i was too comfortable in my own little nice n cozy boundary..eithr way..it was juzz too bad..n i want to change myself now..i'll be more truthful to myself n try to achieve wad i want..maybe it's too l8..maybe i juzz waste my tym..but i have to go on..i dun want to regrt myself l8r in e end of e dae..i think it's vr pathetic if one dun try to live her life to e fullst when they still can n in e end of e dae reggretin it n keep complainin to her kids..or worse still..try to push in her dreams to her kids' lives..makin their lives miserable..

aniwae..i know it sounds lyk crap..but sumone has really opnd my eyes l8ly..tat lyf is not all bout goin out n go shoppin n watch movies..(which i know is vr vr FUN!!esp if we go wit our cliques who really know us..)

it's bout goin thru lots of stuff..bout doin wad u wanna do..not wad othrs wanna do..bout bein xcitd in wadever u do..bout doin ur bst in wadever way u hav chosn how to live ur lyf..

well..i luv playin bball..but till now i neve play..guess y?yup..yup..i was too scard pple know tat i was soo lousy..too scard pple won't pass to me..too scard tat i will disappoint myself bcozz i am sooo lousy..

u c?so many 'too scard' in my reasonin!!i can't believe tis..n all tis while i've always thought tat my real motto is "FUCK WAD PPLE SAY" ?

how cum i juzz realise tis l8ly?now tat i'm no longr a teenagr?(well..almost..i'm 19 tis yr aniwae..) isn't it a bit too l8 to realise tat?

anothr thing..i hav chosn my CCA..n i luv it!!i really do..but i neve even try to go for e school team..Y?well..again..i dun want pple to c me as sumone sooo entu n in e end of e dae i won't get in..so pathetic?surely is..now tat i want to go for it..i think it's too l8 liao..but i'll try my bst..i dun care..i dun want to regrt my teens lyf(ovr soon btw..)n hav no stories to tell my kids l8r on.. ^-^

DIE DIE ALSO I'LL TRY!!!MUZZZ OK!!!

even for dance also i was too pai seh to join n in e end i juzz join now..>.<>

well..i actually realisd tis bcozz of him..he was e one who told me (indirctly) tat i hav to liv my lyf..i think i muzz thank him sumhow..though when he said so, he didn't mean to insult me..(he was juzz askin me bout my CCA n how free i was..to which e answr was yes..yes..n yes..)although it was juzz a small chat..i find it vr disturbin..not juzz bcozz he was e one who said it..but also bcozz of e fact tat i realise how i've wastd my 18yrs of lyf tryin to bluff myself!!!how pathetic can tat b?

i'll join e school team..
i'll go for e audition..
i'll practise dancin every week..
i'll train my bball shootin at least once a week..
i'll catch up wit my studies..

PROMISE muzz b KEPT!!

my first HIP HOP class!!

walao!!my first hip hop class ever!!

okaii..so my dance was lousy..so i couldn't do some movements..SO WAD?!

ha..ha.it was really really fun!!though i hav difficulties in following e movements..but yeah!!it was even more fun compard to tat ballet jazz i take!!i'm soooo appy i take tis class!!

aniwae they're havin tis auditon for hip hop class for prformances i think..it's in 19 marc..i want to go lhe..but my dance soooo sucky!!!how ah?!

aiyah...c?my weak self again..always hav tis kind of thinkin for so lon gliao..i thiught i hav succedd in deletin it..i dun care!!i will go for e audition!!

muzz practise from now on..i lyk e way tis gurl dance lhe..vr nice!!i hope i can b as good as her.. ^-^ tat's y muzz practise..practise!!

WAY TO GO!!!

how unfair lyf can b..

this is a story about my beloved sista who feels realy really down tonite..

she's a wondrfully gr8 prson..who always do 110%for her frenszz..

she's tat type of gurl who, when u opn ur photo album, u'll say, "tis is THE ONE who has helpd me goin thru my difficult teenage lyf..without her, i might not b here todae.."

she surely is a vr special gurl who can brightn up ur dae simply by juzz stoppin by n chat wit u for a min or two..

she is so carin..tat there r tyms when she shoutd (LOUD n ANNOYINGLY) so u can jump to ur feet n do ur work..

she is one of a prson tat when u c her on e road, u'll proudly tell ur frenzz..

"yup..there..my sista.."

*******************************************************************

well..sis..i dunno whethr tis can cheer u up..but i certainly hope soo.. ^-^

i dunno wad pple think bout scorin good grades for sum paprs..but for me, notin is more impt than e one inside e prson already..aftr all, a surd is juzz a surd..notin more..really!!

those who really r ur frennz wouldn't judge u juzz bcozz of a pice of papr rite?crtainly they know tat pple r more than juzz a piece of papr?

soo..dun think too much..n live ur lyf to e fullst k!!

cheer up!!

muach..

a story bout oldham HELL!!

I AM SOOOOOOO DAMN ANGRY!!

walaoooo!!!wad e hell is wrong wit oldham pple?!they really got no lyf ah?!till hav to put me in their misery too?!GO n DIE lha!!!

n i actually thought tat STEPH ANN was my fren?!

BIG MISTAKE!!the biggst i've ever made i think!!

okaii..so i was l8 for 20mins..but everybody can forgt wad?!lyk she has neve forgottn anitin in her lyf..not even once!!still can smile to me summore!!u think if u smile to me u don't do anitin wrong is it??!!!

juzzz...plzzzz...go n DIE!!!!

i hate STEPH ANN!!!

but i hate OLDHAM moreee!!!!!!

how i wish they can place me sumwhere else...juzz away from here!!!

gimme hourly report was already vr vr not fair..
worse still...
they dun giv me any chance to xplain!!!
y they xpct sooo much from me?!
n i wasn't even wastin my tym k...
i was STUDYIN!!!!!
STUDYIN!!!!!!!

NOT FAIR!!!!!!

well..

HELL will always b HELL i suppose...

my first blog ever!!

well..i dunno y i suddenly make tis account..i think it's either bcozz i'm too lazy to buy a new book for diary..or bcozz i juzz prefer to type rather than writing..which takes quite lots of tym btw..either way, i dun really care..cozz it's not for pple to c aniwae.. ^-^

aniwae i'd bettr start now tat i hav lots n lots of story..

wad's new?

eem..

well..i juzz made my msn..ha..ha.yeah..i know..so SLOW!!but i was very happy tat i can now msn wit my old frenzz who, by now are all ard e world..it felt soo good to talk wit them..makes me remembr e gr8 old daes...when everitin i do seemd rite..when notin can brin me down cozz they were always there for me..ooh..how i mizz those tyms..well..too bad..tym can't go back..all i can do now is juzz to keep e memories n cherish it wholeheartdly.. >.<>

back to my story..i even chattd wit him!!juzz to find out tat he lyk sumone liao..hurts lyk mad!!i was too sad tat i wantd to cry also can not cry..

allen told me i lykd him too much liao..

But he really was vr sweet during vdae lhe..i was vr touchd..he knew tat i was a bit sad tat dae cozz e one i lyk neve gimme anitin..den he sent me flowr..ha..ha.msn flowr f course..but so sweet!!summore he suddnly changd his display pic into rose n said..

"APPY VALENTINE!"

i was sooo touchd!!if only he knew tat it was him who made me soo sad..i think he won't do tat..aftr all he is a nice guy who doesn't want to giv too much hope so tat gurls won't fall deepr..i think lha..if it's wrong den too bad lha.. ^-^ but dun u guys think tat it was juzz so sweet of him?i really really wantd to cry lhe..den he also told me not too think too much bout tat guy, who in fact was he himself..walao!!my story seems lyk drama theatre lhe!!ha..ha.

i was actually a bit sad when he turnd out to be soo heck care towards me ystrdae..but cum to think of it..he was nobody wad?n i'm nobody for him too..y does he hav to care soo much bout me?well..i think it's juzz e thought tat he wasn't as nice as wad i xpect him to be makes me vr sad..well..muzz start to grow up n xpect less of pple..tat way i won't get hurt easily.. ^-^

VALENTINE DAE..

well..vdae notin special happn..aniwae e nite bfor i already knew he didn't lyk me..so anitin happn i won't feel appy liao..turnd out i was totally WRONG!!i was appy!!ha..ha.evelyn gave me tis big bucke of yellow roses n a bear n a poem n 3 ferrero!!!can u believe tat?i couldn't!!i was appy bcozz i felt special..unelievable..i know..how easy human's feelin can b..but yeah..i was totally appy!!

zuan gave a bucke of ferrero tat he made himself..well..i suppose even he can b sweet too..though i still can't believe tat he could do "tat thing" to bash n mad..aniwae..saundrs gave me tis tube inside got jell..so niceeee!!!n he confessd to 2t!!i was so proud of him!!saundrs is a brave guy..though he was almost faint when he wantd to giv it..but yeah.. HE DID IT!! ^-^

even olip gave me flowrs..sent it thru her junior..so SWEET!!i really luv olip!!n miun also..though i still dunno wad she is goin to giv me..ha..ha.i'm goin to get it todae though..

touty gave me a flowr n a chocolate..i really am glad i hav her aniwae..n i hope things will work out for her now tat everytin seems lyk soo funny..although sumtyms i got irritatd wit mrvin..who is vr sad..well..i can't juzz ignore him rite?he dorsn't hav anione else lhe..scard l8r he commit suicide.. >.<

well..i think tat's all for vdae..

"lyf is not always fair..", said Jet Lee in Fearless

but doesn't it mean tat we muzz try hard for tat fairness?i still dun get wad he meant..n i dun agree too!!todae i found myself bein grounded..which is not fair btw.. NOT FAIR!!!pple went back aftr9 durin vdae..n only me kna grounded?!

WAD THE HELL?!

i dun get tat old lady..she got no lyf also muzz blame me ah?she got no one to go wit also my fault?go n die lha!!wad's wrong wit her?!hikzz...i feel sooooooo weak n angry to myself for not being able to defend myself when i know i didn't do anitin wrong..it's not e punishment ta bothr me..it's my principle tat doesn't allow me to juzz do wad i dun think is fair for me!!

ANGRY!!!!

aniwae i went to tis concrt in my skul ystrdae wit olip..well actually olip didn't want to..but i forcd her to..ha..ha.special thanx to olip for makin my dae!!luv yah dear!!aniwae e concrt suxx..but edwin sang sooooo nice!!!n i had a gr8 tym there..which basically bcozz of olip..but edwin really sang wondrfully!! ^-^

'But if destiny decided I should look the other way
Then the world would never know
The greatest story ever told..'

it was soo nice..no wondr y my blog's name is tat one rite?ha..ha.

EDWIN RAWKZZZ!!!

well..i think tat's all for now.. (^-^)