i need to recharge..

l8ly i've been feelin vr vr tired n u know wad e weirdst part is?i dun know y!!!i've had more or less enough sleep..i've eaten more than enough..i've relaxdn had fun to distress myself from everitin..but HEII!!it's not enough!!

no mattr ho long i spend my nite sleep..no mattr how much i eat..no mattr how much tym i spend on shoppin or books..it juzz doesn't help ma animore!!i dun get it!!

i ate soooo much ystrdae..n u know wad e worst part is?i ate bcozz my stomach was growlin..not bcozz i wantd to..but bcozz i was hungry!!OMG..where does tis world go into?!i usually dun feel hungry okaii..usually it is bcozz i want to eat..wad e hell is wrong wit my body?!well..mystery will always b one i suppose..it's eithr my metabolism is too high ystrdae..(which i vr much doubt..) or i did so much work tat need so much energy..(tis, i again doubt..)

my list of food ystrdae:
breakfast - 1 pao n 2 slides of bread plus HL milk
lunch - 6 items of yong tau fu n i bowl of almond jelly
aftr skul - 1 packet of fruits
aftr remedial - 1 big bowl of seafood soup plus lots of rice
clustr meetin - half a box of cereal plus a cup of milk

c?c? too much rite?!hikzz..i'm saddnd..i think i gain 2kg liao..i wasn't darin enough to c my weight..

aniwae i juzz realisd how i am irritatd by jason ald..when evelyn askd me, i juzz realisd y i dislyk him bein near 2t all e tym..well..i know tis is childish but i feel as if he snatchd 2t away from me..everywhere i want to go with 2t, there he will go..every ocassion i want to spend wit 2t, there he will be..walao!!once it's okaii..twice is still fine..but tis is lyk dunno how many tyms ald lha okaii!!irritatin!!! plzz lha..hav a lyf man!!u're a grown up ok..can u b less clingy?!everytym go down eat also muzz find 2t..every weekend also muzz go wit her..

wanna know e bst part?!everitym 2t not available, u know who he tries to find?!yupyupyup!!me!!!for goodness sake man!!i am not ur last resort ok!!!n i dun even lyk u!!i can only tolerate u bcozz u're my junior n plus e fact tat u're always clingin to 2t!!go n die lha u!!!

well..ok..i think it's a bit too much..i really need to recharge myself..indo has always been e bst chargr ever n i really can't wait to go back wit manda n olip on 28 may!!haha..mizz u guyss!!

i plan on buyin sum stuff as now i really enjoy shoppin a lot!!
1. beach bag
2. nice bra
3. tankini
4. cap
5. shades

waah..a lot xia..well..i'm goin to save up!!YEY!!

i fall for his eyes..

i juzz finishd watchin 'Pride and Prejudice' n i juzz realisd tat i do love guys wit beautiful eyes..well..ok..not really beautiful eyes..( though i can't deny tat i do love Josh harnett plus e fact tat i think his eyes r juzz so damn angelically beautiful..) i love to c guys whose eyes can show who he really is..whose eyes can tell us his real desire..well..basically those whose eyes 'talk'..

i look thru his eyes..n i can see tat he is nervous..he is shy..he is tellin e truth..n most importantly..he loves e gurl soo much..

"Miss Elizabeth..
I have struggled in vain and I can bear it no longer..
These past months have been a torment..
I came to Rosings with the single object of seeing you...
I had to see you..
I have fought against my better judgment, my family's expectations, the inferiority of your birth by rank and circumstance..
All these things I am willing to put aside and ask you to end my agony..

I don't understand

I love you..most ardently.."

i find it vr sweet n endearin to heart..it was sooo simple..he didn't use big words..he used simple english..he didn't bring flowrs or anitin..he didn't even kneel down!!he juzz confessd, yet the impact on me was lyk..WAAH!!

too bad until now i havn't found any guy lyk tat..any guy wit such wondrful eyes..such a brave n macho guy..does tat kind of guy even exist?well..dun think soo..i fall for mr darcy..not mr macfayden..

summore he kissd her on her nose!!i dun lyk it when they kissd lips to lips..i lyk it when thay kiss e forehead n nose..i think it's vr sweet..l8r my boyfren muzz kiss me on the forehead n nose..haha..

aniwae i found tis bag vr vr ex one..but it is my dream bag..so i think i'll c nxt week lha..if by nxt week it's still there, i think it's fatd for me to buy..haha..

aniwae..i think i am succesful in forgettin him ald..HIP HIP HOORAY!!!YEY!!

everibodi condamnd Jason on thursdae for bein irresponsible for debate..i dun think it's fair, yet i didn't defend him for i know n realise e vr fact tat i know vr little of him..who was i to defend him?!indeed he was wrong..he neglectd our class juzz lyk tat..but so did yingying..y nobody condemnd her?

favouritism..

many r jealous towards jason, but none r towards ying..
many hates jason, whereas everione leves ying..
jason has attitude problms, whereas ying is vr nice..

saunders also make it worse..i know he was jealous of jason n he was rathr pissd bcozz of some stupid reason (too stupid tat i think it is degradin to put here on my blog) towards jason..but he didn't hav to stab behind him so loud when he wasn't even there to defend himself rite?it led to mass hysteria summore..walao..jason..die liao..die liao..u're as good as sittin duck man..

saunders a coward man!!

he didn't tell jason he was angry to him..mainly juzz curse him behind jason's back n actd as if notin happn if front of jason..

LOOSR!!

i h8 tat kind of pple..i think they're juzz scum of society..plzz lha..stop bitchin ard okaii!!u're a guy summore..though u hav sum sexuality disordr, plzz behave lyk a guy can?!

irritatin!!

sayin tat u dun lyk bein e last resort when u do tat every so oftn on me!!go n die lha u!!

aniwae..i found sum othr nice quotes..

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

science vs religion

our beloved GP tcher has pointd us tis issue due to the fact that tis question came out in A level last year..it is rathr interstin for me as i myself in my own searchin of GOD..

here r some of funny facts bout me:
1. i am a free thinkr..
(but my parnts still think i am a buddhist)
2. i still find Buddhism makes sense more than any othr religion
3. i dun mind goin church or mosque
4. i believe in e existence of Jesus Christ n Nabi Muhamad
5. i also believe tat they r rathr special n divine
(but i dun believe tat Jesus is GOD..)

well..okaii..i think it's pretty weird..but yeah..trust me..i also want to be able to hold to one religion..it's juzz tat for now notin seems to be true n clear enough for me..

i find Buddhism makes more sense in tat it can always provide me with satisfactory answers..n all makes sense!! (yeah..weird but true!!) all those lyk e reincarnation n karma..or e creation of e world..or tat there r lives othr than e ones on our mothr earth..

i mean..we dun even hav e technology to c wad's on e othr side of galaxy..n e universe is so damn big lha..wad makes us think tat we r e only livin being?

aniwae..in e class i juzz found out bout tis religion, or rathr it is a belief, calld astral plane..it is quite interstin but e concpt is a bit hard to undrstand..i'm still tryin to get a bettr picture of wad tat is, but yeah, as soon as i know i'll get back to u.. ^-^

waah..i am sooo into tis kind of thing..i luv talkin bout religion stuff..n i'm actually quite good at tis..as in i know quite a lot of stuff bout religion..i think it's bcozz i was raisd in a Buddhist family, n i spent my 6 yrs of primary skul in Catholic skul, n my 6 otrh yrs in Christian skul (SLTPK1 n MGS)..

one thing tat i dun agree wit Buddhism is tat it does not acknowledge e existence of GOD..if it wasn't Him, how did we even exst on e first place?

i also dun believe in e existence of hell..aftr all, we all will b reincarnatd, won't we?then, wad's e point of havin hell?isn't it true tat we r goin to b punishd for our mistakes by goin thru lyf again n again n again?i think we live to pay our own mistake n faults..n by livin, we r xperiencin hell as we suffr in tis world..hence, hell is juzz anothr word for sufferin n pain tat we r experiencin while we r alive..

well..at least tat's my view..

i also dun believe in absolute truth..i mean..let's c thieves..we condemn them as sumone who steals pple's money..but for his family?he merely was juzz doin his bst tryin to make a livin..as sumone told me bfor, one may be able to live without food himself,but when it is his kids tat r cryin in hungr, he would rathr do anitin..ANITIN..to get food for his kids..isn't it?aftr all..pple hav their own priority in lyf..they hav pple they luv in lyf..i believe tat pple were born good..n they all r..it is juzz a mattr how we c it..

okaii.i think tat's all for now..i need to do 2 econs essays.. >.<

appy eastr dearest pple!!

APPY EASTR!!

i think i'm a bit high todae!! ^-^ i am vr proud of myself for todae i am able to (finally) start help pple in an xtraordinary way..well..not really actually..but i am appy n contntd for bein able to help pple not only in material aspct, but also othrs..i donatd my blood todae!!!

well..okaii i think it's a bit too muach of enthusiasm liao..ha..ha.but i can't help it!!i've always wantd to help pple..it sumhow is my passion..i luv seein pple happy..i luv makin them laugh..n i think e most wondrful think one can do in his lyf is to make e othrs appy..

i wantd to work as a social workr last tym..but i think those pple dun need anymore of social workr..too many of them ald aniwae..wad those pple need is food n basic needs..which can be bought usin money..hence, to help them i can not b a social workr..i muzz b e one who support them wit my money..so i think it's beetr for me to work in othr route..make as much money as possible..then, helpin pple gets easier..

but cum to think of it..i think i hav too much blood in my body liao..i dun mind they take form me 2 bags..my blood can fill e bag within 5mins lhe..i dunno how my blood can flow thru tat fast..e guy nxt to me took ard 20mins for his blood to fill half of e bag u know..n i didn't feel giddy at all aftr e process..ooh..n there is tis guy wantin me to b takn photograph to b put on a postcard so as to invite more pple to donate blood..wth?!i look soooo funny in photograph lha..

i also hav decidd i will donate my bone marrow if there is anione needs it..i know it will b painful but if i can save one's lyf, i think i'll b more than appy to do it..i'll b vr scaerd, of course..but yeah..i've signd up aniwae..

i went to city harvst church todae..nat askd me to go n WAAH!!!e prformance was marvellous!!i may not b a christian..but i do appreciate religious drama..i think mixin art n religion is a totally gr idea..n e drama was COOL!!

"rewrite my story.."

e story was bout judas n simon..of how they diffr in e choics they made e nite of e last suppr..of how they regrettd so much for betrayin n denyin JESUS..

if pple can rewrite their story, i think pple can b much happier..pple will b more contntd wit their choics..they can erase their mistakes..they can make a bettr judgement or choics in their lyf..it will b soo wondrful!!

if i can rewrite my story, i will..

i dunno wad i will do..cum to think of it, my lyf is a good enough lyf ald..i may not b contntd wit myself..but i find my lyf is not bad..i hav my bst frenzz..i hav my lovin family..i hav my dreams..i hav my weird ways of lookin at stuff (unique..e word evelyn forced me to use..)well..i think it's enough for me to b appy..at least for now.. ^-^

todae i pon!!

well..okaii..notin to b proud about ok..n it wasn't as if i wantd to pon skul or wad..i realise i hav pon too many tyms liao n it is tym to stop..but it really wasn't my fault tat 3 of us couldn't wake up rite?well..partly yeah it was our fault for not settin e alarm..but..heii..we didn't plan it or anitin.we juzz sumhow did..

in conclusion: i dun feel guilty.. >.<>

I still can't believe tat saunders actually feel e same way as i do..as in he feels tat he has no frenzz n tat he is scard tat he'll b a burdn more than a fren..if only he can read my blog i think he'll b damn surprisd..well..i think pple hav their up n down..maybe it is juzz in our mind tat we think tat way..maybe it is all mainly our imagination..eithr way, it is a bad thing to hav tis kind of thoughts..it reflects in our behaviour n sumhow it makes othrs feelin uncomfortable bein near us..it is vr bad!!n contagious too!!PPLE BEWARE!!once u've got it muzz straight away talk to sumone u trust k!!depression n ostracism kills!!

2t told me bout gerald n mel..how she has changd A LOT aftr gerald confessd to her..2t told me tat she is now soo fake..n gerald thinks so too!!i am so damn surprisd tat i actually don't realise it..i've always thought tat i h8 fake pple..but i juzz can't h8 mel..she is juzz too nice..well..maybe she is fake..but i dun think it is juzz too xtreme..maybe she juzz feels tat she has to jaim in front of gerald..well..i think it makes sense..

i askd 2t if i am fake..

well..sumtyms..

haah?how?

eem..lyk..when u lie..i always know..it's juzz tat i dun always tell u tat i know..

haah?y neve tell me?i thought u always tell me if u know..

no lha..there r tyms..

lyk wad?!tell me lhe..

lyk "i'm ok..i'm ok..it's ok" (wit a fake smile on her face)

haah?!u know bout tat?!y neve tell me?

of course i know lha..vr obvious wad?but i know u want to b alone so i juzz let it b lho..

i laughd lyk mad aftrwards..she thought i laughd bcozz i was paiseh..but hell no!!i laughd bcozz i was sumhow rathr touchd..i hav always thought tat she didn't know (or care) tat i was sad..tat's y she didn't try to console me..but she knew!!n she didn't want to make me feel uncomfortable by tryin to console me..(thought i find tis a bit weird..but i think diff pple hav diff ways of treatin their frenzz..)i was really touchd..

gan ann gave 3 of us (609) a bottle of honey bcozz she thought we were really sick..soooo sweet rite?!i luv gan ann!!e bst AHM alive!!(180 degree diff from steph ann!!)

my HP is undr repair!!so sad!!i feel soo lost without my phone sumhow!!hikz..nvmd..can still survive i think..

dumbdumb..

i feel so damn stupid n bad a few daes ago..i could not even believe myself for not knowin one of my closst frenzz tat well..hav i been soo selfish by livin in my own world?hav i been soo egoistic tat i dun even know bout her animore?i juzz realise of how my lyf hs been l8ly..it is no longr bout me n others..merely juzz me..me..me..n ME!!who am i?!i can't undrstand myself animore..wad hav i turnd into?!my dear fren, if u ever read tis blog..I AM SOOO SORIII!!!u can't imagine how sorii i am..if only there is anitin i can do to juzz make me feel less guilty..

l8ly my relationship wit anione has not been so good..whenever i go out with her n othr frenzz i can seem to b who i am..i think my self-esteem is juzz too low l8ly..i always think tat the othrs want to talk to her more than talkin to me..so i juzz dun want them to b walkin near me..i always go to e front of them n walk alone..i dun want to b near them..it feels vr bad to make pple suffr for bein forced to accompany me..i am borin..tat's e fact..i dun wanna go out wit her n jason or saunders ald..i juzz feel so bad..

i realise tat i am so different from 2t or jason..e way jason n 2t sees stuff is different from e way i see it..watchin tristan n isolde made me realise tat..they see it from a total different angle from me..goin shoppin with them also opens my eyes..wad i said nice wasn't nice for them..well..i want to think tat it is not a bad thing tat i actually hav different opinion from others..but is it true?or it is juzz my way to run away from e fact tat i am weird?

is it a good thing to b different from othr pple?i am thinkin maybe bcozz i am different from other pple, i can't socialise wit them..is it true?but i am diff from almost all of my closst frnzz..nvmd..i refuse to think bout all those stuff now..

my brain is burstin out..it can no longr think..when actually i am havin a lot n a lot of humwork..dun care liao lha..die ald..maybe i need to run to keep my mind workin..long tym neve run ald..i think i gain weight liao.. >.<>

a few appy thoughts..

okaii..here r sum stuff i think can cheer me up for now..

1. i finish my 2.4 for NAPFA in 13.37 (i've neve been tat fast bfor!!)
2. i think i'm gettin a gold tis yr
3. saunders n zuan rate me 7.5 over 10 (stupid game we playd..)
4. i juzz got $100 to shop from my dad
5. ...

well not as many as i thought, but i think it's quite ok for now..at least i hav a few stuff to ,sumhow, celebrate..

ooouch..

i dun fell lyk goin skul l8ly..it feels soo redundent when u do sumtin for no reasons at all!!well..let's examine wad's e point of me goin skul..eem..

1. my As
2. frenszz
3. ...

waah!!!a lot xia!! (can u sense e sarcasm?!)

ok..maybe i'm bein too negative about it..maybe i'm juzz too weird..or wadeva..but now all those seem lyk notin to me..all those r not reasons animore..

i dun go to skul for my As..they're all long gone case liao aniwae..i hav studied sooooo much for econs..n u know wad i got?! an E!!OMG..it's even worse than my phy which i didn't touch at all lha..HELOOW?!can imagine how it hurts me when i got my paper back ystrdae?!i wantd to cry ok..even last few hours bfor physics papr, i was studyin econs..n tis is wad i deserve?mr chu told us to write in a piece of paper of wad went wrong tat causes us to do quite badly..well..u know wad?!I DON'T KNOW!!!maybe my brain is juzz not good enough for econs..maybe i'm juzz too helpless..too stupid..too idiotic..no common sense at all..blablablabla....

wadeva..

frenzz?!i dun even hav a single one in my class..i'm sorii to say tis..but..I AM ANTI-SOCIAL!!!pple dun lyk me..n hell if i care!!i go everywhere alone..i go eat at different table..when i'm not ard e girls neve try to find me..even lily told me (in an apologetic way) tat she was sorii to hav forgottn me..well..at least now i notice tat nobody notices me..n hell if anybody cares!!even in econs class i'm an odd one out..ooh..sorii..i mean e othr two gurls hav neve notice tat i am a gurl too!!waah!!such a surprise!!aniwhere they go, they muzz go togethr..but no..of course not wit tat xtra gurl who is too xtra to b true!!n even in discussion in econs class, they dun even notice there is anothr gurl sittin next to them..OOPS!!i forgt..idiotic pple dun hav any opinions rite?!well..even if they hav, it can't b realistic..corrct?!haha..too bad!!

i know i'm not as smart as bash, not as pretty as 2t or lily, not as sporty as ying, not as fun as latha or zaheera, not as nice as mad or mel..but i am a gurl too!!i am a human..n i do hav feelin for ur information!!when i'm not ard i xpect pple to notice..n i dun xpect them to b soo evil to show tat they dun enjoy my presence!!

n now even my comp is ruinin me..