doa akhir tahun

dear GOD,

for what it worths, i want to tell u that i am grateful for whatever it is that you have done to me..and that i am sorry for what i have done that is despicable for you..

i have done many things that i can be proud of..there are, however, even more things that i wish i can change..things that i am so ashamed of, and i'd rather have my memory erased..therefore, GOD, i want to apologise for my weaknesses, for my sins, and for me..i am worthless and i'm sorry for that..

in 2007, i have felt so blessed in many ways..and i'd like to think that it is because of you that i have so many things to be happy for..Thank you so much, my GOD..

i know i'm not supposed to ask from you anything, for you have granted us everything we need, but i can't help it for i know that i am very far from perfection..and for i know that everyone wants to be perfect..

i wish to be given strength so as to be able to help others
i wish to be given confidence so as to be able to have my points said out loud
i wish to be given patience for i know i am lack of it
i wish to be given wisdom so as to be able to know what is best to do

but the one thing i'd really wish to have, my Lord, is compassion..

with all my love, dear GOD, i wish that you will forgive me and all others..and i wish you will help to change the world to be a better place..and i wish we, human, to become more humane..and i wish that you will protect all the people that i love..and i wish life will be worth living..but most of all, i wish we all have love and we all have a 'happily ever after'..

my dear GOD, i have regrets that i don't share with anyone..i have experienced things that not a lot of girl my age have..i have my own sufferings..but please, ooh my dear GOD, please don't let me turn into someone less worthy and full of bitterness..

thank GOD for whatever have happened and i am sorry that there are a lot of times, i have failed you..

*may 2008 be a better year than 2007*

ps. dear GOD, please help mama lan to go through what she has to go through..i wish her all happiness and peace..

thank you thank you thank you!!!

oh mirror mirror, who's the most beautiful of all?

waktu lg berpikir, siapa sii dr smua putri putri yg cantik di disney cartoon itu yg palink qta suka?naah..ternyata jawaban ade g tuuh membuat g terpana..iya..ternyata qta palink suka ama yg namanya Ariel 'little mermaid'..

cewe yg kuat, pinter, dan yg palink pnting tuuh dia itu ga nungguin cinta..dia mencari cinta..spesial khan?

buat mencintai seseorang itu tuuh sesuatu yg amat sangat indah..dan buat mencapai itu tuuh sesuatu yg lebih luar biasa lg..bs ga sii qta percaya bahwa qta ga bakal perna sakiit hatii gara gara org yg qta cintai?ga khan?makanya menurut g tuuh Ariel org yg berani bgt!!princess yg luar biasa dan laen drpd yg laen..

cinta tuuh bukan sesuatu yg mudah..klo mo yg mudah, ga usa jato cinta..emank cinta itu kadank kadank indah..tp lbi banyak yg namanya pengorbanan..

waktu g denger bahwa ade g punya alasan tuuh mirip bgt ama g, g ampe kget bgt..haha..trnyata gaya pikir qta tuuh emank miriip..

spupu g, si odonk, blg dia palink suka ama bella 'beauty and the beast'..emank manteep sii si bella..g jg suka..dr baktinya ama org tua..kebaikan hatinya ama si beast..ampe rasa cintanya yg tulus tanpa ngeliat mukanya si beast yg minus ituu..

yaah tp yg palink enaknya dr smua princess qta ituu, ada yg namanya 'live happily ever after'..tp di dunia nyata mana ada sii?

bahkan si old hag di enchanted blg bgini'"...where there are no happily ever after!!" pas dia lg berusaha mendeskripsikan dunia qta..

yaah tp itulah dongeng..

apa kata dunia ntar klo di dalam dongeng aja ga ada yg namanya kebahagiaan?segitu menyedihkannyakah yang namanya eksistensi qta sebagai manusia?

xiong di sa wo xiong di, bi sa zhi!!

i just finished watching a movie that made me cry yet AGAIN!!i know many people who knows me would have thought,"heii, what's so new abt it?" well, it isn't, really..but i'm here to make my points anyway..



the movie,"warlords", is about wars (like duuh?!),leadership, and more importantly, brotherhood..



well, i'm not going to bother to write what the story is about because you can always check the movie review website for that..i'll just write what bothers me so much about the movie..



i hate the fact that in order to have peace, we need to have war..

i've read about this fact since i was a kid.never in my life, however, i have ever believed that..it was a myth to me..something that is not true at all..something that is used as a speech by people who gets benefit from war..the movie, however, has taught me another perspective; not the one i prefer to believe in of course, but i now know that this perspective is true in some aspects..



*i am still against war btw!!



i hate the fact that we need to impose fear in order to have order, even if it means killing..

when Jetli wanted to kill the teenagers for raping the girls, i couldn't help but pity the teenagers..they were mere kids who were given too much power without the same amount of guidance..but at the time i saw Jetli's sad eyes, i knew it had to be done:they had to be killed to impose order..it is just so sad to know how far we have to go in order to get it right..



i figure, this is why indonesia is getting to the worse by each day: indonesians are just not yet ready to be a democratic society, and in order to have order there, they need dictator like Soeharto to lead them, to impose order.. simply to get it right..





i hate the fact that human's feelings are so complex that you are forced to hurt yourself and the others dear to you..



i hate the fact that sometimes we are put in a situation whereby you have to choose between your loved ones and all the people under you..

when you have your people and your brother to choose from, who will it be?i hate this kind of things..in the end, it is you who will lose..it is you who will have regrets..if i was in Jetli's position, i think i could not do it..i can't kill my loved one to save the rest..i'd rather die..



the movie was plain sad..i cried because of this point for the last 15 minutes of the show..i could not help it!!i am just soft-hearted in this kind of stuff..



i hate the fact that politicians are always the winner!!

this is totally true..they are always the one end up with big bucks..and they are also always the one sipping the "victory" wine..to the politicians, heroes and lifes of the innocents are simply a chess game for them..



after all,i think the one thing that i hate the most is the fact that LIFE IS NOT FAIR!!



waah..no wonder i was so sad after watching the movie..it IS full of examples of life..



*i'm so glad i'm not in war*i'm so glad i don't have to make those choices*i'm glad i don't have to hurt those i love the most*



well now i've made up my mind!!i will NEVER EVER even consider going into political science..it is so full of crap and full of sinners-to-be!!

more things abt being me!

And this is what the quiz in facebook says about me:

Temperament

Flexible
Nothing seems to bother you - you sail through life crisis free. It's not that your life doesn't have its ups and downs, it's just that you handle everything without unnecessary drama and antics. You approach each day fresh, not worrying about yesterday or tomorrow. You are confident that you can handle anything that comes your way and experience has shown that you are absolutely right about this.

Interests
Simple
You are continually pursuing a simpler and less complicated life - you don't allow yourself to fall victim to all of the "should do's" that society continually bombards you with. You are thoughtful about your life choices and think in terms of yourself, others and the world in which we live. You have a great sense that we are part of something much bigger and we must be good to others, if we want others and the world to be good to us.

Amusement
Adventurous
It's a good thing that you are filled with energy and ambitions (that others sometimes find exhausting) because you're continually looking for a new adventure and exciting experience. You struggle with a continual feeling of restlessness which constantly pushes you to the next level of excitement. Once you have accomplished one thing, you are eager to accomplish something more exciting, riskier and distinguishable.

Passion
Physical
You are a cuddle bug - from a warm hug shared with your best friend to steamy sex with your partner, you enjoy every bit of human contact that you can get. You demonstrate your love for others most fluidly through physical one-on-one contact and you feel the most loved when you are being touched. You feel disconnected when you are physically isolated from others. You're a people person and a lover of all things human.

may the force be with you..

i have just finished (finally) STARWARS 1 to 6..i decide that i LOVE it!!there are so many humanity's aspect about it, that i feel as if i can see our future in maybe a few thousand years to come..

i can't help but to think that maybe it is indeed for the best, that our technology is not modern enough to open our eyes about the oppotunity of having other living beings in other systems or galaxies..if we can't even have harmony here, with all the racism and WARs around, what makes me such an optimist to believe that there will be harmony when we have more races from other systems coming in to earth?that is like wishing the impossible isn't it?

i don't understand why those scientists want to find more living beings on the outer space..to find more different beings so that we can try to kill them all for their differences?

we are simply not ready..we are simply too primitive to have more beings here in our planet, both technologically and psychologically..

i realise that i do feel such a pity for ani skywalker..i pity him for his lost love, for his life not worth living, for his choice, and for his power which is the reason behind all of his sufferings all together..

i would rather die than having to live a life not worth living like his..and i still can't take it that the reason of why he could turn bad was because he wanted to protect his wife!

love, something that is so beautiful, can turn a person to be at his worst..

life is definitely weird..

well at least it ended up well, and ani died as a hero..

i love yoda n obi wan kenobi!!!

*cheers for starwars!!*

i wanna go home!!

i am a big girl with a big smile and a big heart..
i am a big girl with responsibilities hiden within the mask i always wear..
i am a big girl with burden as hevy as rocks on my shoulders..
i am a big girl, but even a big girl needs her sanctuary sometimes..
i wanna go home..

well, i don't really know if i have a home anymore..all these years, i've always felt i don't really belong at home anymore..though i can't say i feel as if i'm at home when i'm in singapore too..

i am so lost..

i think that waht LOST is all about..being so lost in your mind and in your feelings, that you can't even recognised yourself anymore..the feelings of wanting to go home is the sole reason of why they tried to survive in the island..but when they had the chance, they realised that it was all gone..they no longer had the reason to live..i was thinking, maybe they were 'sent' there because they no longer had the reason to live..because they want to die..

food for thought..

'Find a guy, who calls you beautiful instead of hot. Who calls you back when you hang up on him. Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisss your forehead. Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats. Who holds your hand in front of his friends. Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, " ...that's her." '

beautiful isn't it?

well,too bad this kind of stuff happens only in fairytale..

like what the witch said,"...where there are no happily ever after.."

yule spirit!!

i just love christmas!!

holiday has started!!

yeah i know i should go all hooray-it's-a-holiday..but i am not!!

i screwed my last paper sooo badly, i can't help but to question myself whether i have studied at all!!it was so bad, i couldn't answer even a single question!!and it was sooo bad i cant see myself withoing redoing the module again next year!!

i've never experience any papers like this before..

well..cheer up!!cheer up!!

well i took several photos of xmas trees a few days ago..n it was all so pretty..

i'll put after i collect some more photos k..

*cheers*