stupid. dumb. idiotic. ignorant.

You know you’re idiotic when :

1. You go down to cycle, only to realise halfway down that you have forgotten your bike key. (stupid)

2. You go all the way to ATM and realise you don’t bring your POSB card. (dumb)

3. You lock yourself out of your room. (idiotic)

And yes, I have done all this.

And yes, I still care, so at least I’m not an ignorant bitch.

Sometimes my idiocy amazes myself.

:C

my final destination

Joleen once told me that her final destination in life is something called Avenue J. I don't exactly understand what she means by her final destination, but I think it should be somewhere she wants to end up in. Somewhere serene and beautiful, maybe. Or probably somewhere where 'happily ever after' actually exists. Well, anyway, it gets me thinking, where is my final destination? I have always lived my life according to what life has to offer. Put it simple, I simply go with the flow all along. I don't even know what I want to do once I graduate! I have no dreams, no expectation, no will, to actually move forward to.

Then I saw this drawing, and right away I know where my final destination is. My final destination is called Mr. Orange, and over there, there are no more tears, or confusion, or drama, or bitter-anything. There are only love, and joy, and laughter, and chocolate, and ice cream, and alcohol (mitch will be visiting often, I reckon), and dogs, and other sweet animals, and beautiful music, and good food, and ice water, and milkshake, and chips and coke (diet!), and tons of books, and wonderful movies, and beach, and swings, and running little children, and a lot a lot a lot of rainbows! And internet, of course, so I can invite people over for a party at my Mr. Orange :D

Here is the drawing.



And here is my dream house. It is called Rainbow, because I love rainbow, and because I want to keep Miun in my mind all the time when I live there :D

*sigh*

You know how when you imagine something so perfect and beautiful in your head, you become too afraid to acknowledge reality, and so you just choose to run away from the possibility of having the imagination coming true, just because you don't want to ruin what you have in your mind, because you know reality can't possibly beat imagination? I know it sounds so chiem, and insane (if at all understandable, that is), but it happens. I just had mine today, and I felt like a total idiot afterward. It doesn't feel good to have disappointed yourself, you know what i mean?

I mean, logic deduces that I should just go for it, but I didn't. I guess I'm just not very logical, sad to say.

It could have been, but it didn't. You may wish, and you may ponder, but reality exists, and sometimes it just doesn't coexist with your imagination.

Simply put, life is not a fairy tale. You have to be stronger than your imagination, because otherwise it can render you powerless and miserable.

'Do, or do not. There is no try.'

-Yoda

microsoft 2007.

me: Joleen! I've just upgraded my microsoft office! *happy*

Joleen: Haah? You mean you have only upgraded it today?

me: Yeah! YEY! *excited still*

Joleen: *surprised seeing me so excited*
I thought I was very outdated when I upgraded it last year, but apparently there is still you.

me: Haah? *still blur*

Joleen: I mean it's already 2009, and you have just upgraded your microsoft office to the one of 2007.

me: *ponder*
Well, if you put it that way...

Joleen: Put things into perspective huh? *laughing*

:C

Design group outing - The Big Bang in the making.

27.10.2009

We were in Clark Quay, drinking Margarita and chilling out, when all of sudden, Chester talked about momentum of inertia and gyration, AND Carnot cycle.

-_-"

I still don't understand how I could have such a great time with them. I mean, DUDE! We were drinking! :S

I think I now understand what it is like to be Penny. The Big Bang Theory in the making! =X

But all in all, I really had FUN!

Despite the fact that Chester kept wanting a design meeting after dinner -_-" and despite the fact that Shannon and Chester pangseh us for their beds. And despite the fact that Ruby made us walk ONE BIG ROUND just to eat Bak Kut Teh, which apparently was very near to his house, and got Rex and me blister in the process. And despite the fact that Li Ping was not there, and so I was the only girl in the group.

From front left: Rex, Shannon, Ruby, Chester, and me.

Thanx, my nerdy group mates! :P I had real FUN! :D

P.S. I made the minute! How lame can I be? :S

it's just the way it is.

me: I am not childish. Just because I'm short doesn't mean I'm a kid.

mitch: You ARE childish. If I didn't know you, I'd think you were just a little girl. It's the way you talk, and the way you act.

me: Hmm. Okaii, but it's just my action, right? I mean I may act like a kid, but I'm pretty matured for my age. Don't you think?

mitch: (ponder)
You just seem to be very tired.

me: Haah? What?

mitch: Yeah, for someone your age, you are very tired of everything, you know. I've never met anyone our age who is as tired of people as you are.

me: (ponder)
Yeah, I guess I am tired of people. I'm tired of the world, too, actually. *sigh*

mitch: That's what I meant.

me: But no kid can be tired of the world!

mitch: You're just a very tired five-year-old.

-end of discussion-

:C

*beautiful clip*

i am a bitch.

You know what it feels like to worry about someone so much that you prefer to just continue living in denial and pretending that everything is alright? That every time your phone registers a miss call from him, you prefer to just ignore it, rather than to message him to ask whether he is alright, just because you're too scared to hear his answer?

Well, I have experienced it, and it is not a great feeling. At some points, I actually got scared of my phone, and I actually contemplated to throw it away, just so I can run away from the guilt. The fact is, I do care. I know it's not my responsibility to care, but the guilt just doesn't go away so easily. Have you ever ruined someone's life by the time you turn 22? Well, I have, and it sucks. I think retribution will catch up with me real fast, for what i did was really evil. I really wish him well. I hope he finds his soulmate, and be happy, because he really is a sweet guy, and he deserves to be happy.

I keep trying to shoo him away from my mind by doing other things and keeping myself busy doing stupid stuff. But there are times when randomly he just popped out of nowhere (in my head, that is). I guess it's the memory. We had shared too many of them together. Relationship is a bummer, I tell you.

The reason I write about this is I just got a miss call from him again, and I really don't know what to do. I figured if I write things down, I may be able to see it more clearly. It doesn't really help, though. I still will ignore it, until he calls again, or message me. Surely if it's urgent or important enough, he will call me. Right?

I know I'm a free thinker, so I have no right to actually pray for anything, but I really wish I can believe and have faith. And I wish God really cares, and that my wishes can come true.

If wishes do come true, I want to wish for his tremendous happiness, and for him to forget his past, including me.

I wish I were less sceptical.