does he think i am that bitchy?

look..i know i made a mistake..and it was a super damn huge mistake..but everyone deserves one more chance right?

he doesn't even know how sorry i am that i have hurt him so damn badly..how could he excuse me telling gossip to everyone about something that i don't even know what?!!!!i made a mistake, and i am sooo sorry for that, and yet, for him, i'll always be an idiotic irritating bitch who always gossip around and hurt as many guys as i can..

am i that low in your eyes?

i know u've got a girlfriend in indonesia..and according to a lot of my friends, she is damn beautiful..so what's wrong with give me a chance to prove to you that i am not as bad as you think i am?it's not as if you still want me to go back with you right?you're now happy right?so can't we be friends?or at least people who don't disturb each other?

i am sorry but i just can't help it..it hurts so badly knowing that u stil hate me soo much because of what happened so long time ago..can't u forgive me?at all?after 6months for goodness sake!!and what we had wasn't even real..

i'm sorry that i hurt you..u can't imagine how much it hurt me to actually hurt you..i just didn't see any future with you..i know you understand..you have a girlfriend now..

i wsh you happiness..and again..i am so sorry..

i am stressed!!

today is the last day fo the mid-sem break, and guess what?!i haven't done my revision..not even a little bit!!can i freak out now??

well..let's see..i am having maths on tuesday -i am soo going to stay overnite at mitch's, and hopefully she can help me revising that irritating subject..physics in on thursday, and i still don't know what to do with it-GODspeed..my material science is coming soon too!!it's on saturday, and i haven't even understood like half of it?!ooh..i am soo screwed!!

i hate life!!

i am such a geek!!

nowadays all i'm doing are opening books, doing questions, and watching friends..OMG!!i am such a geek!!

i hope evrything turns out to be alright..

i cross my finger!!!!

well anyway, i borrowed a DVD from him a few days ago..it disturbed me so much that i couldn't sleep after i watched it..well, actually there wasn't much in the story, but i was very disturbed..it was a very sad case when you are put in the situation whereby you must choose your lover or your friend..and to know that he actually chose his lover, who didn't even love him enough to be faithful..it hurts to see the friendship ended by blood, and to see that they were too dumb to actually realise the importance of trust, love, and loyalty in their friendship..i mean, without those things,what's left out of friendship?right?

i still don't know why it bothers me so much..

even until now, sometimes i can't sleep whenever i think about it..

wth?!

i am such a geek..

...

i can't believe my teachers told me that JC was much worse than university time..that if we had manged JC well, it was for sure that we would do very well for our uni..it was a total lie ok!!

university is the plece whereby everything looks so relax, but hey!!looks is always deceiving aniwae rite?!

well aniwae, beside school stuff, everything else doesn't seem to be soo bad..although there nare times when i feel like crying and eventually i just watch friends, and again, waste my time..

and my relationship with my boy has been great this few days..come to think about it, i think it is true that when you don't see each other often, you'll tend to spend more quality time together, instead of scoulding each other for something very stupid..and it was very true, after the magnificent outburst a few days ago i mean..well, at least i feel so..

ok..now back to studying n studying n studying..

my life is so damn boring!! =X

bad headache!!

i can't believe it!!it has been so long since the last time i had my headache, and now it's killing me!!

i am damn tired and i still have to read my material science, and tomorow i'm going to see my i-am-smart-so-you-have-tofollow-what-i-say uncle!!he is damn irritating!!OMG!!i hope tml i don;t have to queue very long. i hope i can just stay with him for 15mins and that's all!!

keep my fingers cross!!

OMG!!!!!!

okaii..today sucks!!

n no!!it's not an overtstatement..it really is..

i slept all the way during lecture this morning, that i don't even know what was happening..come to think about it now, i think i should have stayed at home and sleeped, instead of forcing my lazy bum to actually go to school at 8 in the morning and ending up sleeping on the chair anyway!!

wth?!

and today was a damn busy day!!surprising enough..it's friday for goodness sake!!can't u like, give me a break?!

and i was damn forgetful!!

i brought my shoebag to school, with my gi inside it, and i left school with only my school bag..

i know..damn blur right?!

wth?!

i went to jurong point with my newly-bought statics book, and guess what?!yupyup!!i ended up going home with nothing on my hand!!

what a day!!

now i still have to mug for my first test in NUS tml..n it will be counted as 30% of my GPA!!!n i am still damn blank about it!!

OMG!!

yeah..i know..what's new right?!

damn school!!

work..work..and work!!!!

i don't know what's happening to me, btu it is way too much!!why can't i study?!i feel as if even though i have studied and read my books, it is just not enough..i feel that i simply am wasting my time doing these stuff..and i am really really still on my holiday mode!!i don't feel like studying at all!!and now i don't have any friends to force me to study.. =X

i am like sooo much behind!!

the work that i have to do before this weekend:
1. physics ol quiz
2. study EG1909 (test on saturday)
3. read pyhsics txtbook
4. maths homework
5. EG homework

OMG!!i am like soooo dead!!!

saturday i'll be having this party too!!waste time i know..but it has been too long since the last time i meet my friends..

ooh..and yesterday, when i was teaching my little student, i kept shouting ta her that suddenly i think of something weird..well, IF we were in a TV show(yeah..weird thought i know!!)who would be the protagonist and who would turn out to be the antagonist?

hahahaha..i think it would be me..

nothing to do!!

i am now crazy about facebook!!haha..thanx to sim for that..well it was so fun to be able to send small little stuff to those we care about every single day, rite?!

well aniwae..i've got like tons and tons of things to do, but i don't really have time to finish it all..or rather, i prefer to do other stuff rather than doing all my boring and irritating homework!!!

and i am so damn lost in material science!!

walao!!i am stressed!!!!

i have no time at all..and that small irritating little girl keep bothering me all the time that i really feel that i am really really lack of time!!!OMG!!!

and i feel so dumb for not being able to tell her to stay away from my room!!!and when i told her to shut up, she went beserk..she told me that it was a bad word, and that she was going to tell her mom about it, and bla bla bla....

and she keeps taking my food!!!!

i want to slap her until she is really afraid to me that she won't dare to go inside my room ald..

-_-"

short blog..

i am soo damn tired of my life right now..it seems to me that there is nothing in my life that i feel thankful for..i feel as if i am living a mundane life whereby everything i do every single day is all the same..it is so boring!!my life right now is not much different from living in a jail, i supppose..it's damn tiring and damn boring!!

i hate my life at the moment..

i have a lot of homework that i have to do..i do not have many friends in school..and i am not even excited of my CCA anymore..kind of taking it as a burden rather than having fun..

i don't even have any event that i can wait for!!

and my brain is still on this 'holiday-mode'..it is so hard for me to concentrate for even 5 minutes!!can you imagine that?!and most of the time i spend in my room is to watch FRIENDS or simply read some novels..

ooh GOD..help me pass thisperiod of time..and i want staight A's for my exams too!!

stress!!stress!!stress!!

cao!!

pray for me k!!

my old essay..haha..

Many people have changed me, be it to be a better person or to be a worse one. Some of them are great people; may not be famous, but certainly can create such a huge impact to anyone who knows them. Some others are well-known people, who are greatly admired by people all around the world. The one person who changed me the most, ironically, is nothing compared to them at all. He was neither a hero for anyone, nor was he a famous star.

I was fifteen. Young, free, and quite naïve, or rather, stupid, I should say. I believed in love. I believed that there is such thing as ‘live happily ever after’. I believed that there would be a man who will take me as his whole world: the one which could not rotate without me by his side.

Cut it short, I believed that my prince would come.

My dream came true on the second of February 2002. He was introduced to me by a friend. I liked the way he stared at me so softly, even on the very first night we met. I liked the way he laughed so loud until his face turned red. I liked the way he put his one hand on my face when we were watching movies so as to cover my eyes when there were something scary showing up. The one thing that made me fall for him, however, was that I was a princess when I was around him. It was as if everything was mine and that I could do whatever it was I wanted to do.

‘ Love at first sight’, he would say to me when I asked him why he had chosen me, instead of other girls. I would reply to him, ‘such thing does not exist.’ Though I said that, my heart kept telling me to believe the otherwise.

Days turned to weeks, and weeks turned to months. On our third month being together, he did not bother to call me. He did not even bother to reply my messages. It was not the feeling of sudden loneliness that was killing me. Rather, it was the feeling of being an ugly duckling. I believed it was my fault that he was no longer attracted to me. It was the heart pain and disappointment, knowing that my belief all along was a complete failure.

Now that I am a grown up, I have finally come up to a realization that love really does not exist, not to mention love at first sight. What exists is lust at first sight. Another thing that he has taught me is that, ‘live happily ever after’ exists only in fairy land, not in this cruel world.

I have learnt this the hard way, but at least I have passed one phase of my life, and I have survived.

ps. haha..not bad yeah?!

what a terrible nightmare!!

it happened at night time..i was accompanying my boyfriend, who was having a concert (i don't really understand why it is that he suddenly become a singer -_-") well anyway, he suddenly pulled me up the stage when he was singing a love song..yeah i know..so cheesy right?!haha..well anyway, while i was dancing with him, i suddenly heard a shot..it was so near that i felt as if it burned my ears..then all of a sudden, i fainted, and the next thing i knew was that i was no longer a human being..i was a ghost!!

the only person who could see me was my boyfriend..he was still crying when i tried to poke him with my translucent fingers unsuccessfully..

*poke poke*

nothing..

*poke poke*

nothing..

depressed, i stood in front of him, my last chance to be noticed by him..when he finnaly noticed my presence, he jumped to his feet..i could see pain, shock, and sadness..suddenly his face brightened up when he realised it was me..

"are you coming to pick me up?"

"no..i don't know where to go.."

"i'm sorii"

he sobbed..

"it's okaii..it happened..help me tell my family that i love them.."

"i love you!!"

"i know.."

"i'll help you find your way.."

i just nodded..finally i knew what death is like..it was empty..i did not feel anything anymore..

so he brought me from places to places..we talked and talked and talked..talked about how i was going to reincarnate and how he was going to find me..talked about our home..our family..and our relationship..

when it was finally midnight and noone was in sight and he was very tired that he finally fell asllep on a coach, i finally felt something..something surprisingly very familiar to me : i was lonely..i was thinking of how nobody would ever going to see anymore..how i would be ghost forever..how i would be alone from time to time..

then, by the time i was about to cry, ....

MY ALARM CLOCK RANG!!!

OMG!!how happy i was knowing it was all in the dream!!well..happy is really an understatement here!!haha..

*CHEERS!!

enjoy life!!

patience brings bliss?

today is supposed to be my study day!! but guess what?!i do not study..n pardon me, it's not because of me!!

look, i am a nice person okaii..i do not mind talking to my landlord and her daughter..but heii!!too much is irritating okaii!!i have tried my best to be nice to them..i even teach the little girl because i pity her for she is not particularly a very bright student..but the way the little girl always come to my room and keep asking me questions that are not important at all, is driving me NUTS!!!i need to study for goodness sake!!it's like everyone in school knows what exactly they are doing, except for me..is it my brain rusty? or is it because i did not read the lecture notes properly?i need to study!!!!!

OMG!!i just realise of how much i sounded like a geek just now..ha..ha.well aniwae maybe it is true that patience brings bliss because i just got a delicious mango pudding from them..ha..ha.not bad..now that they are gone, i'd better get going with my study!!

cao!!