aku pasrah..

n so she told me tat i was doin okaii..tat my deppression was merely a kind of anxiety due to the upcumin exam..she told me to continue the medication n she told me tat she was vr appy for me since i'm improvin vr fast..but heii..it's not the medication tat helps me..it's me myself who hav decided tat i dun care animore..i simply give up tryin to cheer up..tryin to fit in..i still think i am useless..i simply choose to give up tryin..does tis mean i am a levl up?ot does tis mean i am a levl down?i dunno n sumhow i dun care..i give up!!wadever..i am an outcast..juzz leave me alone will u?!

walkin alone is a daily food for me..bein an outcast is the only drink tat fits me..bein a reserve, on the othr hand, is much less of a habit since a reserve, aftr all, is only a reserve..u dun always c a reserve bein used all the tym, do u?othrwise they wont b calld reserves..

it was maths lecture n bfor tat i was doin my econs humwork in the canteen..the gurls weren't wit me, which is quite common, so i dun really care anymore..summore mrvin was wit me, so i suppose the gurls won't go near me aniwae..furthrmore, they prefr touty than me rite?!so yeah..still acceptable..for now i hav realisd my place n i dun want to go all ovr again sayin how i regret goin to innova..

when i went into the LT, my class was already in a row, n there was no anymore seat there..so i went all the way to the back n sat with othr class GOD-knows-who..n aftr lecture, lily askd me if i was okaii or not for she saw me lookd rathr angry juzz now when i was lookin for a seat n she told me she was sorry not havin saved me a seat..i wantd to tell her tat i wasn't angry, but i was hurt..but the only thing tat came out of my lips was a pretentious laughtr n a mumbling sound lyk,'wad're u talkin bout?notin one lha!!'

yeah..i wasn't angry..i was hurt..n nope..not by the fact tat no body saves me a seat for i had xpctd tat..but more bcozz of the fact tat no body cares to even offr me to move up wit me..not a single one..not even lily..or touty..n i thought they were my close frenzz..n it wasn't as if they didn't see me or anitin..okai..i am sorry for bein so petty okaii..it's not tat i want to b petty..but isn't it human nature to actually xpectin sumone to do tat to u?!well i am again sorry for bein an over-xpctr..but i definitely would hav done it if it was one of the gurls..

i was so hungry juzz now tat i thouhgt i was goin to faint if i didn't eat soon enough, so on our way back to the hostl, inside the taxi, i was askin them to eat wit me in waffletown..no!!not askin..i was beggin them..but too bad..i am not worth listnd to..2t allen n hari went silent, but i knew the answr ald..

so i walkd there alone, sobbin while makin my way there..2t asked me when we juzz reachd oldham wad i would eat since she knew i was so hungry..when i told her i was goin waffletown, she didn't even giv any reaction..she lookd concrn, but she didn't even askd me whethr or not i needd a companion..it juzz seemd so fake..allen askd me if i need a companion, but i was juzz too tired wit their pretence..n mine too..so i juzz pretendd not to b hearin him..

when u dun feel lyk askin, plzz dun ask..when u do tat for the sake of lookin good, it sickn me..n it makes me lookin down on u.. i hav neve thought tat wad pple told me bout u is true..but i know u're juzz lyk wad they said- u can't b a close fren; u leave all ur frenzz behind when u hav a new one..i'm sorry touty..i know i am borin..but i thought u were my close fren..really i did..

last tym u were always wit mervin, now he sticks to me n u can't even be near me?i am not ur rubbish bin u know..

i am sick n tired..i need a happy pill..

ooh GOD pls help me goin thru tis..for i know it's now only miracle tat can save me from tis pain..n from myself..dun let me do anitin stupid, though i hav picturd them vr vividly too many tyms in too many ways in my mind..i beg U to save me..

saya capek ya TUHAN..klo hati saya bisa ditaro di kotak kaya yg di 'pirates of carribean2' saya bakal langsung taro di situ d..supaya smuanya jd satu aja di sana dan saya bs ga ngrasain apa2..

klo ada doraemon dgn baling2 bambunya dia, saya bakal pgi jauuuuu bgt dr sini..pgi k pantai yg tnank dan ga ada org..biar ga ada lg yg bs sakitin saya..ya TUHAN ku..