wad a lyf..

lyf is similar to rollercostr..first it brings u up to the sky, makin ur heart beatin soo damn hard full of excitement..n e nxt thing u know u r falling in a rapid increasin speed, allowin ur heart to stop beatin in reaction towards e gravitational force..

well at least, tat's wad lyf is for me..

it was juzz ystrdae i felt every possible feelings a human bein can hav within one dae..happiness, proud, jealousy, anger, shame, sadness, guilt,disappointment..all those juzz in a dae!!

i was sad bcozz i only got 13 for my MCQ for econs..
i was sad bcozz i got no one to shed my tears wit me..
i was jealous bcozz everyone prefferd her than me..
i was jealous bcozz she can talk to him..
plus e fact tat he seemd so relaxd bein near her..
i was jealous as she is close to our juniors..
i was angry bcozz sumone told me i was juzz e last resort..
i was angry bcozz everyone dun lyk my existance bein near them..
i felt so damn guilty since i neve revised maths for my block test..
which can be seen in my wondrful results..
(u should c e way ms ng lookd at us tat dae in e class..)
i was happy bozz mr chu said tat my result was not bad at all..
i was happy bcozz he offerd to teach me how to do free-throw..
plus e fact tat he only offrd tat to me..
i was happy bcozz he taught me how to do lay-up..
n e fact tat i can do it now..
i was happy bcozz he kept encouragin me tat i could do it..
n he said he would make sure i could do it..
i was happy bcozz he came to me when i was practisin my lay-up in anothr bball court..
i was happy when he acted as if he wantd to impress me wit all e stupid actions..
all e air-walk, 3-points-shoot, n bouncin e ball to e net..
(when he actually didn't mean to attract my attention of course)
i was happy when he askd me y i wantd to go home so fast..
n e fact tat he tried to prsuade me to stay..
i was proud bcozz i could dye my fren's hair successfully..
i was proud bcozz i did bettr than her in maths though i didn't study n she did..
n i am ashamd of myself who hav these thoughts..
i am disappointd in myself for bein tat low of a prson..
i am also ashamd of myself for thinkin (even only 15mins long) tat he could lyk me..
i am disappointd in myself as it turnd out vr hard for me to forgt him..

now u c how lyf plays me as her toy?

i dun lyk me..my self confidence seemd to decrease by too much till it reaches e point where i dun want to meet anyone anymore..i dun want to bcum a burdn to those pple..i stoppd lykin socialisin..i feel uncomfortable bein near my classmates as i am scard they would compare me wit anyone else..i am scared anyone would realise tat i dun hav any bst fren in skul..i dun want to talk to them as i felt i was soo borin..i refusd to c tat they prefr to talk to her rathr than talkin to me..tat they htink she is more important than me..i feel as if i am a loser..

jealousy kills..if only i can control tis feelin i think i won't xperience this lack of confidence..where is e old me who didn't care of anitin on e above?where is e old me who wasn't borin at all?where?where?WHERE?!

i can't find her anymore..

she, who everyone says vr cute..
she, who is vr bubbly..
she, who is vr talkative..
she, who cares bout pple..
she, who can't care less bout small tiny little stuff..
she, whose heart is still vr pure n clear as watr..

i mizz tat gurl soo much..she seemd to b gone now..if only she still exists i think she can help me bcum a bettr prson as she is bettr than me!!