my wastd love..

i luv u..i luv u..i luv u..
but u dun even notice me..

luvin sumone doesn't mean tat u hav to own them..doesn't mean tat u can get it in return..doesn't mean tat both of u can share stories or roads of lyf toghethr..it simply means tat u luv him for who he is..his flaws..his mistakes..his past..

i dun undrstand how i can feel tis way..well not as much and deep as wad real luv is i suppose..but tis really is e first tym i lyk a guy deepr than juzz physical attraction..he is not wad i call "good-lookin"..far from it as a mattr of fact..but dunno since when tis feelin grows..

at first he was juzz anothr guy fren i had..my classmate..vr quiet n scary..everytym i saw him, all i wantd to do was juzz runnin far far away from him..

but as days passd by, moths passd by, i realisd tat he was differnt from any othr guy fren i had..he was..sumhow..vr special..

he was everitin i wantd to be..heck care of wad pple think..ingenious..good in sports..wise..maturd..EVERITIN i wantd to b..too bad i couldn't b lyk tat..when i realisd tis, he seemd vr vr special for me..

i startd to lyk him..more importantly, i startd to admire him..i lookd up to him..i set him as my example..e one tat i thought could mould me into a bettr prson who myself would luv more..

tym passd by vr quickly..n bfor i realisd it..i've falln for him..everitym i saw him, my tounge seemd to b tied up..i didn't dare to say anitin..i was too scard tat he would hate me (STUPID me!!)or find me borin..i was soo nervous when he was ard..

juzz lyk tat..it juzz happnd..

nobody invitd luv n it suddnly juzz knockd ur heart..

i would fly when he talkd to me..i would feel lyk cryin when he ignord me..i hopd to c him everitym i went out wit my frenzz..i peekd on him when he didn't c me..i couldn't stop smilin when he jokd ard wit me..or when he realisd my new hairstyle..or even when he playfully said i lookd pretty..when i didn't feel lyk goin skul, he would b my 2nd reason to go (aftr mr chu ofcourse..)

den e dae came when i came to realisation tat..he can not possibly luv me..he luv tis gurl already..pain..really hurts soo much..but it is bettr now than aftr my A's rite? at least i havn't luvd him tat vr much..i can still, at least try, to stop tis feelin..

many askd,"y? y giv up?"

answr vr obvious n simple..he will neve luv me..well..not as much as i do for him..i dun want to hav tat kind of relationship where i am e one who luv him too much..not fair for me..

n so here i am wit my wastd luv, tryin to get out of tis well of pain..but e more i try to forgt him, e more he shines wit all his prsonalities..blind my eyes..

if i can't c e sky to where i muzz reach, how can i climb out of e weel?

maybe i can find anothr one..maybe i can't..but eithr way..thanx for everitin..thanx for makin my dae for e past 1 yr..thanx for ur encouragement n support..esp during PW..thanx for ur kind smile..thanx for makin me who i am todae..

thank you..

n BUBBYE my first one..